India and Indians ...

While I was reading the articles about moving back to India, I saw so many points why one shouldn’t do it - environment pollution, infrastructure, inflation, poverty, non professionalism, and so on. There was so much and so many that although I do agree with them but still I got  a bit angry and saddened by those remarks. So few thoughts popped up my mind....

I ask myself “Who builds nations?” and I get the answer “people”. Am I wrong here? May be it should be the government. But how can a governing body build a nation? They can just govern! It’s same like in our offices. Our management and governing body doesn’t build the company. Company is built by the employees… we are the ones who work hard and build it. And what will happen to the company if we start complaining? and then we stop working because we are so angry with them… and we just complain? I think we know the answer - the company will slowly shut down!

I am afraid the same is happening with our country. If I see progress of India, lets say, after independence, we achieved a lot, its not hard to tell … and then we were born… we studied... we day dreamed… and then we faced the reality and compared it with others in developed nations... we got annoyed of why we didn’t had all those and instead of continuing the hard work… we started complaining. The more we knew how better we could have been, the more we complained!

When I was in India, I didn’t care that I didn’t knew how to swim or play guitar when I was in school.   But when I came here and saw kids doing it, I felt bad for myself and started complaining that India doesn’t provide all these facilities... how convenient!

But when I see my dad back there, I see a man who still cares. He doesn’t complain… of course he gets mad about the traffic jams. But he knows that after few months when the construction will be over and flyover will be up it will ease the traffic. May be he has seen how the nation has developed. He has gone through inflation too, faced some “real” difficult times, and has seen many good and bad ministers. But he still makes it a point that the road outside his house is clean. He doesn’t need to wait for a “swatch bharat abhiyaan” to tell him to live in a clean environment. If he knows municipality guy will not take responsibility to clean it, he will hire labor, or will ask domestic helper or will even clean it himself. He is angry sometimes of course… but not frustrated. He and many dads out there have built the nation and are doing so even today!

And we the “more” educated ones, we see, we discuss, and we complain - Facebook, Twitter, Quora - so many places are there to vent out our frustration… Shouldn’t we too try to apply our knowledge and skills to bring out change… indeed we can continue complaining - its fun, its easy and it is the first step to identifying problem… but lets not stop here… lets keep building the nation!

We know we can do it from inside or outside of India. We are intelligent people facing challenging situations and fierce competition daily. We know we just need to add it to our list of “goals” we have set for the upcoming years, and we will achieve it. We know we just need to find a little time in our busy schedule and “do” something to bring a change… If we have time to update social networking sites I am sure we have time to think about how we can help India become a better nation. We are Indians after all  “Once we set our minds on something we will for sure achieve it”

How do we really empower women

Last time I wrote about “What is women empowerment?”. So we all know and at some level understand the problem of women (when it comes to empowerment). And all the stories or, in some cases, hyperboles doing rounds of social networking sites have forced us to really think about the matter and we want to do something about it? But what should we do apart from re-posting or sharing the status update/tweet?

May be we can keep it in our To Do list of Social work need to be done after retirement or during career break. But then there are already so many important causes to fight for – malnutrition, save the planet, basic education for kids and so on. Yet still it’s hard to ignore the matter as deep down we know the problem exists. Almost all of us have seen something similar happen in our house with our mom, sister, aunt, friends, helpers. So here below I give few pointers which we can start doing from now at our homes without disrupting our day to day activities.

Before reading the “how tos” it would be good to remember few things – Women are emotional.  A woman can bear huge pain but small day to day things matter them. So the points below may feel too small or unworthy to you but they actually matter to her. If you still have doubts it wont hurt to apply them and see for yourself. Also these how tos are not just for men, women are equally responsible – look around you – your sister-in-law, mother-in-law, sister, mom, helpers – respect all women and you will get it back.

1)      Hear her - Include the women in your house in important decision making. No one is asking to take their word as final. Most of the times women just want to be heard. If you don’t agree don’t just shun the point. Give her valid reasons and she will be happy.

2)      Ask her opinion – especially when it comes to matters related to her. Which study course she wants to take, whether she wants to learn cooking, whether she wants to get married.

3)      Protect her – I don’t mean just physically. Most men are very good at that. I mean emotionally protect her. If you feel some decision will hurt her sentiments or she should be a part of it then speak for her. Nobody asks to put up a fight but trying to be diplomatic won't hurt.

Another scenario is if someone is pointing about her dressing sense or the way she carries herself the least you can do is ignore the comments, even better would be to reply back to the commenter but in social circles as we all know its not always possible. People always talk.. But before preaching her about the same, make sure you too feel its wrong and have valid reasons.

4)      Spend “quality” time with her – Especially for spouses living with families (parents, kids, grand parents). After busy and hectic working day its difficult to take out time for everyone. But spending quality time with your spouse will actually lessen your stress and make you two feel more connected.

5) Care for her - Caring can be done by as simple gesture as asking what she would like to eat for dinner one day in a week. Or when your mum asks you about your opinion you ask your sister too. Care can be shown in simplest of acts. You will be surprised that some of your actions may bring tears in her eyes.

Meeting expectations

I read an article today about the great Bollywood legend, Amitabh Bachchan. In his interview to the newspaper he has described how even after acting for around 200 films he still feels nervous before a shoot. Even when standing in background he is cautious about his body posture. He also mentioned that he has sleepless nights. While reading the article I was wondering how a legend like him can be so tensed for something that comes naturally to him and what he has been doing for more than half of his life (he is 76 at present). And then in the next few lines I read the reason. He is concerned about people liking the movie and his role; about meeting their expectations.

This isn’t the case only with our most loved superstar, it happens with everyone and everywhere. We are constantly trying to live up to people’s expectations. The more good work we do the higher the expectations. The more praise we get the more fear of being failed. It forms a vicious circle. 

“My boss loved my work and promised me a promotion. I better not let him down”

“Dad and mom believe I am very intelligent and can land into a good job. I better find it fast”

“My elder brother was one of the toppers in university, everyone in friends and family expects me to be the same. What if I can’t meet their expectations?”

Although this fear is not bad and helps us stay motivated; but many times it introduces unwanted stress. Seeing today’s busy lifestyle and higher levels of competition it is not surprising that even school kids need to take anti-stress pills. However remembering this simple fact helps us to change our perspective – “I don’t need to please everyone, just give my best. Because people liked me in the first place  for what I am, so if I give my best they will keep appreciating me.” And anyways taking the pressure doesn’t help.

So are you stressed or thinking too much about something at the moment? Just reflect back to check if its not based on “people’s expectations”

What is Women Empowerment? Why is it needed?

To understand what women empowerment is we should first try to understand what "Empowerment" is. As per Wikipedia -

"Empowerment refers to increasing the economic, political, social, educational, gender, or spiritual strength of an entity or entities. Sociological empowerment often addresses members of groups that social discrimination processes have excluded from decision-making processes through..."

The meaning is clear, we need to increase strength of those "weaker" entities or people or community so that they can participate in decision-making processes.

What is women empowerment?

As is clear from above - Women empowerment is nothing but realizing that somehow over the period of time when the concept of society was being formed we left women behind.



Why is it needed now?
Some may question that why do we need to include women in decision-making now as everything in our society is going fine when men are taking decisions. Are they taking wrong decisions? No it is not about men being wrong or women being smarter. It is needed because we have realized that if we continue in the same way we can achieve "something" but if we include the women we can achieve much better and faster results. It is needed because two brains are always better than one. It is needed because some women still don't understand whether the switch should be up or down to turn off the fan. No they are not dumb. They were never allowed to use their brains since childhood. So why is it needed again..

1) Family planning - We all know that this is a very important aspect of our life. This alone can decide that in future a family will grow or shrink financially. We see many women, especially poor, with many kids and wonder why didnt they plan? The answer is quite simple - as you will agree, most of the time it is the woman signaling or reminding about the precautions. Men although mutually agree with the planning easily forget. So in a family where women are not allowed to think or speak or are scared of being beaten up end up having many kids.

2) House management - We all have seen our mothers taking care of the house and know that although we cant see what she does, she is always busy doing something. Her work involves lots of things - minimal wastage of food, water and electrivity, dealing with plumber, gardener, cleaner etc, keep the house clean, buying grocery etc. Here the knowledge and power of decision making is essential. Decisions may be small but can help in day-to-day activities of the house thus making the husband free to focus on work (of course when both are working the household chores should also be shared)

3) Raising Kids - If a mother can decide what is right and what is wrong, then she can guide her kids to become better human being. Fathers are not always there. Mothers are available most of the time (even if they are working) and they know each action of their kids, it's in their nature, but to understand what their kids are doing or asking permission for, she should have some basic education. Or else she will not have the confidence to question them further or say "No"

4) Travel - Although the railways and airways will not like this idea but I see so many husbands going to and fro just to leave their wives at some destination because they dont know or are scared to travel alone. Need I say more...

5) Self protection - Needless to say if a woman is given support from her family and society she will feel more secure. Many times girls hide eve teasing incidents  because they know if they inform their parents they wont be allowed to go out alone. But we also know that cities like Mumbai, where women travel in over crowded local trains, have almost no eve teasing. This is mostly because the men are scared that they will be beaten up by the Ladies crowd. If we empower our women they will be able to protect themselves and other women and will share the burden from men.


But giving power to women is scary?
Yes it is. It is scary to give or share your power with anyone; but the woman we are talking about is your wife, or your mom, or your daughter. We are asking you to be her strength like she is yours. We are asking you to allow her to decide what is good and bad for the family. And we are asking to give a chance to keep her say understanding that she may not be always right and you still have the right to not agree to her.

What is NOT women empowerment?
To all the ladies out there it is very important to understand what is good and what is bad. When we get power we can change things and when we take decisions it has its positive/negative outcomes. This power comes with a great responsibility. For instance, to have or not to have kids should still be mutually decided. Your partner should not feel cheated. If you are not happy in your relationship then having an affair outside of marriage is still wrong unless your partner knows and has no issues (which is rare). When we ask for our rights we should ensure we will not misuse them and that we can be trusted.

Lastly, thanks to all men who are already empowering females around them. We know its not easy to enable someone to question you. We are indeed incomplete without each other.

Do we have too many Preconceived Notions?

I was talking to a friend about India, when she said “Do you still worship snakes?” and I could not say anything but laugh. May be Yes still in some rural places but I haven’t seen it in my whole life. So does it still make India a country of snakes? And yes I admit we had a shameful and horrendous incident of a girl being raped last year but does it make India as a nation unsafe? Well the answer really varies but I guess it is still NO. I know one may wonder that as an Indian I tend to incline towards my country but I also came across a very interesting article by Canadian writer and traveler Mariellen Ward – Top 5 myths about India. And you will find many other articles online.

 
But all these things surely make one wonder how many preconceived notions we all carry? Below are listed some with answer - 

Does Dubai look like desert? - Below I have shown two pictures of Dubai. My this blog will highlight more places in Dubai. Now you decide on your own.  Also refer to their tourism site - http://www.visitdubai.com/ - if you want more details.

Is Africa poor and disease ridden place? - Africa is the world's second largest and second most populated continent; and like all other countries, African countries are also fighting within social and economical problems. But that doesnt make "all" of the Africa a poor place. Here is the list of 15 richest countries of Africa. As per World bank news article many countries in Africa grew their wealth much faster than world's average.
Not to forget africa has the world's largest desert - Sahara desert and the world's longest river - Nile. as per Business Insider magazine's article it has one of the most luxurious train in the world -  Rovos Rail, Pride of Africa

USA is the best place to live? - Yes it is one of the best places to live. But depending on other factors people may or may not find it suitable. Here is the Wikipedia link to see what the stats have to say.

Not just about countries or people but also about daily activities like:
Using anti-bacterial soap keeps away from cold and flu - The fact is it doesn't matter if you wash your hands with a normal soap or anti-bacterial soap. Cold and flu are spread by virus so the anti-bacterial soap wont help. The purpose of frequent washing is to ensure we wash off the viruses from our hands so that they dont spread rapidly. In fact some experts even say that anti-bacterial soaps should not be used much as they clean up the good bacteriastoo. Details can be found at this WebMD article - Plain Soap as Good as Antibacterial 

Eating rice daily makes one fat - I dont know what to say here as you may already know that rice is staple diet of many communities and all have skinny and fat people.

French fries are "French" : well may be some of you already know this. French fries  are not French, they were invented in Belgium and to add to it they are not healthy either. They are counted in junk food. If you want to verify the facts here is the link

If you know about other misconceptions do write in the comments section below and I will dig deeper and put them on here :)

We are living in a world where technology has opened gates to knowledge like never before. I am not saying preconceived notions are bad. But they are not always true and sometimes we pass them on without even verifying facts. So lets make use of Google, Wikipedia, How stuff works and other great websites and verify the info before passing it on!

 

What size are you - Small, Medium, Large or Extraa Large?

Today when I was walking past I met an old friend who asked whether I had lunch. I politely replied no I am fasting. And to my surprise the conversation went like this:
He – “Oh ok is it to loose weight?”
Me – “No, I am not fat!”
He – “Ok Accepted. No arguments”
Me – “Yes I am not fat! ”

And we waived goodbye. But my mind wandered over the thought for some more time – Am I fat? Why he said -Accepted. No arguments? Doesn’t he have eyes? Am I really fat? What size do I buy when I go shopping? See I buy medium.. very rarely Large” and then something stuck my mind... Whenever we go for shopping we look at the size and they are something like small, medium, large, extral large and so on… Isn’t it enough to shake the confidence of anyone? For instance lets imagine a sweet confident girl Su. Lets assume Su is curvy but generally she doesn’t care about some extra weight as everyone around says that we should love our body as it is. One fine morning Su gets up and decides to go for some shopping. She struggles for a while to find a dress which suits her best and doesn’t inappropriately show her assets. She cheers herself up by thinking anyways she is going for shopping. And then with a smile on her face reaches the malls. There she finds a very nice top and decides to try it on and looks for the size – Large…ugghhh…XL…aghh ok let me try both n see where I fit. After few minutes she concludes that yes she is EXTRA LARGE. She ignores it and moves on to find another dress and meets her friend Ria. Ria looks at the dress in her hand and points out – “wouldn’t it be too inappropriate, I mean it is sleeveless and abut short... Oh I mean you can buy something better..” Su politely agrees and leaves the dress. What is the use of buying a dress in which she feels she is beautiful but all others don’t. And anyways she is EXTRA large in size so everything will look "inappropriate" . So you see how easily and bitterly the shopping trip told Su the reality. 

But isn’t it wrong that the cloth designing companies define the sizes for us? And please note that there is no “PERFECT” size. So you are either small :(, Medium (ok, but still not good), large :( or XL or XXL :'( And to add some brands don’t even sell sizes above XL. I prefer the numbering system over it. For instance I am either 8, 12, or 20. Its no one’s business to tell me if I am small or large.. I am either 8 or 20 and I don’t care. I don’t need to be reminded about my size everytime I go shopping specially now that retail therapy is gaining popularity.

As for the caring friend Ria.. I think we don't realize how we sometimes hurt our friend’s feelings. Personally I think everyone should have right to wear and look how they want. A person knows what will and what will not suit their big or small assets. So lets not try to be fashion police or whatever unless explicitly asked!

A woman's thoughts

Once in a while when I am travelling in my way to office or just feeling low, I start pondering “Where am I going?” Is this what I signed for? My job like everyone else’s has been quite tough. I have travelled a very rough road with many speed bumps and pot holes. Sometimes have also stumbled down and hurt myself. But then don’t know how gathered the remaining strength and moved on.

I am sure many people, especially the females, feel the same way. All of us at some point of time have compromised their career, likes and aspirations to take care of those around them. Someone might argue that this is the path we chose - to work or to be a housewife. We knew from beginning, that out of both the partners, one has to focus on house and kids. And given a chance, we still would like to take the household responsibility because deep inside that is what gives us self-satisfaction. If you don't agree imagine your kitchen after your husband cooked for you or the room after he changed baby's clothes. Now look at yourself seeing him doing all this work. :) :)

However, somewhere in-between finding the work-life balance, we feel exhausted. We continuously feel the pressure of being left behind when our co-workers get promoted just because they can stay late than usual working hours. To worsen it we feel guilt of not being able to give full time and support to kids. Even the simplest thing as eating dinner out coz we were too tired to cook adds on little guilt. And its not just the working women, the ones at home are not happy either. They have to continuously convince themselves that just because they are not earning doesn't make them any lesser. 

Well this post is not about work-life balance or any time management skills. This is just to say that you are not alone. And we do understand the tough daily routine job you have to go through. So relax and enjoy the busyness of life, as these days will not come back.

If you agree please respond in a way - either +1 or leave a comment, or recommend on facebook or google+ . Just to show that you care :)

Ohh and the flower (above) in this article ...is for you to make you realise how beautiful you are :)

Latest Revelations

As my first post for this blog, I have too many thoughts to write down... So I am writing All of them... Don't know now but may be will create a part-2 also... Coz lately in my life there has been loads of revelations... and are very wide in nature... I will say may be the position of my stars is responsible for it.... Well...Yes, I am a religious person... and sometimes believe in the non-scientific things :)

Coming to the point...i guess it all started with my friend introducing me to the book "Many Lives Many Masters" by Dr. Brian Weiss. It's a really good book about spirituality, life and death, reincarnation.... You can find its reviews on Goodreads here. The reason I think I got influenced by this book was because it helped answer so many questions in my mind which have been their since I was a child, like, Why people suffer? Why it happened to me? What happens after we die? Why does the same thing happen to me again n again? and so on... Well, I guess, one needs to read the book to actually understand it... One concept that became to me clear after reading it was "Meditation"

Yes, Meditation. This word always used to pop into my mind when I felt guilt after shouting or fighting with my loved ones. I knew I had to control my anger. But how? In my horoscope many times the last line used to come "You need to meditate". Its not like I believe in horoscopes, I read them for fun. But Meditation word used to strike me. And I tried once few years back, but didn't know how to do it. So this time I started Googling about it. And found a wonderful site for Yoga and Meditation - yogajournal. I tried Big Mind meditation, and to my amazement I started feeling its results in just 2-3 sessions. My friends even told me that I have become much happier (I know you might have read it 100 times but it is sooo true). Meditation also helped me to bring down my stress levels, as I was facing many problems because of it, which many of you might know.

Next thing which happened was cooking. Oh yes! I cook and I know I am a very good cook (not professional although!). I might not know lots of dishes, but the ones I cook, I am better than many :) and I am happy with that. So it all started when my dad gifted me a microwave. I love experimenting in kitchen, so i started googling new dishes, especially cakes and pizzas. However, I found many new and delicious ways of cooking old boring vegetables like baingan (eggplant) or arbi (Taro). I am fond of Mexican and Chinese food, so my next try would be one of that.

Banana muffins

Chocolate mousse and pan cakes

 
 Yes they both are home made :)